CHILDHOOD EXPOSURE TO FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ITS IMPACT ON CHILDREN

Family violence is not only an act of abuse against another adult, it is also a form of child abuse. Hurting someone a child likes and loves, also hurts the child. Research tells us that children who witness family violence may display similar symptoms to children who have been sexually, physically and emotionally abused. (http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories). Family violence can come in the form of verbal abuse (put-downs, insults, yelling, use of degrading language), physical abuse (hitting, slapping, pushing, throwing objects or punching walls), psychological abuse (controlling financial resources, undermining self-esteem, constant accusations of unfaithfulness, social isolation from friends and family) and sexual abuse (forcing a sexual act on another person).
(http://www.acadv.org/children.html)

The above forms of family violence instill fear in children in their home environment. For these children home is not always a safe place. Rather it is a place where children are forced to be ‘little adults’ when they are supposed to be enjoying the joys of childhood. Childhood is a time of finding ones sense of self and developing self esteem. Violence in the home can force children to shut down their emotions so as to turn off the pain. When children are forced to grow up too quickly, they miss out on the opportunity to develop these parts of themselves that they need later in life.

Exposure to family violence can be hearing and/or witnessing fighting between their parents/ caregivers or observing the aftermath of such fighting. Children are almost always aware that there is family violence in their home. Even when parents believe that the child was playing in the next room or asleep in their bed they are often aware of the abuse that is taking place.

Often there is the mistaken belief that the child is too young to be affected by family violence. Even when children do not have the words to demonstrate an understanding of the abuse they are hearing or seeing, they are still affected by it. Children feel the stress that is in their environment, they sense the unsafety that surrounds them. The impact of family violence can be seen in children of all ages.

During the ages of 0-3 years the brain develops rapidly and sets the stage for future learning. The period of 0-18 months is a crucial period for attachment. Stress in a child’s environment during this time can disrupt and impair a child’s ability to develop secure and healthy attachments that are needed throughout life. Infants can be observed to have disturbed routines around feeding and sleeping, irritability or inconsolable crying, frequent illness, difficulty sleeping, developmental delays, and risk for the infant to be caught in the crossfire by being accidentally hit or dropped during a violent incident. (http://www.acadv.org/children.html)

Preschool age children who witness violence often suffer sleep disturbances, insomnia, bed wetting, excessive clinging and separation anxiety. School-aged children exposed to a violent household may demonstrate depression, anxiety, a loss of self esteem, anger, aggression, fear and withdrawal. They may complain of headaches, stomach aches and insomnia. Adolescents, because they are confronted by additional stressors associated with teenage years, are particularly vulnerable to destructive behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse, running away from home, and engaging in criminal activities. (http://www.gov.ns.ca/coms/files/facts6.asp).

A serious long term effect of children witnessing family violence is the transmission of this behavior in subsequent generations. Violence in the home becomes a model by which the child learns aggressive behavior and that this behavior is an acceptable means of resolving conflict. Not all boys will behave violently and not all girls will end up in an abusive relationship. However patterns often emerge where boys and girls who witness violence enter into abusive dating relationships themselves.
Witnessing family violence between adults is a painful experience for children. Children need to see their parents/caregivers demonstrate love and nurturing not only toward them but also to each other. Adults model for children how to be caring and confident caregivers themselves. Children look up to their parents for guidance and direction. It is this guidance that so often defines the development of their own little personalities.

Kim Miller, MSW, RSW is a family counsellor with the Cranbrook and Kimberley Family Centres which are programs of Summit Community Services Society, a non-profit society committed to promoting community well being.